As some of you may know I am like a self-proclaimed advocate of breast feeding. You know the type "Breast is best", "its the most organic you can be", "No formula", so on and so forth.
The time had come for me to go back to work after two amazing months, and I was prepared. No formula for my baby love!
Medela pump. Check.
Milk storage bags. Check.
Supply of frozen milk. Check.
Or so I thought....
Within the first month back I had burned through all of my back stock.
I couldn't figure it out. How did these moms work full time, pump to have enough for while they were away for 9,10 hours, and still have enough without literally pumping non stop?!?
I pumped at work, I pumped while I drove (probably illegal but oh well), I even woke up in the middle of the night to pump. Sometimes I swear my nipples were going to fall off.
Months had gone on and some days I was in tears worried that it wouldn't be enough for her. Stressing every time i was away from her.
My mom would causally mention the dreaded word.
FORMULA.
especially after i had recently gotten a terrible flu bug and couldn't eat or drink. Thus meaning no milk.
But NO! Not happening. I can do it.
Until Rylin's sitter nonchalantly mentioned she thought Ry wanted more milk after each bottle. She sweetly explained that she felt like the 6 oz per bottle i was bringing wasn't enough. And she said that she went though the same thing.
Holding back tears I told her I needed to hear that. From a neutral person.
I called my mom (my go to problem solver). I explained what the sitter had told me and my mom said "Well you survived on formula" :)
Research followed. I scoured countless websites and forums. None too eager to talk about supplementing with formula.
It seemed there is the die hard breastfeeders (which i was) and the THE OTHERS. The ones who gave formula.
But what about the "inbetweeners"? The ones who nurse and give formula.
So I found myself standing in the formula aisle at Target. Dumbfounded. SO many different options.
I knew I wanted a supplemental formula. So i settled on Similac. Only because I had a coupon really. :)
Skeptical and feeling defeated, I headed home.
So that night the normal routine continued.
2:00 am my alarm went off. I stumbled out to the kitchen and did my nightly pumping.
I then settled back into bed.
Just as the sand man greeted me, my little punky butt woke up ready to eat.
I nursed but nothing was left. Normal for just having pumped. I was used to it though. Its like she has some internal clock for when I pump.
In the glow of the oven vent light I saw it. The white and blue tub of "poison".
Well lets do this I said to myself.
I mixed up a bottle and gave it to her.
Miraculously (in my mind), she drank it. And then went back to sleep. No fussing. No staying up and sucking for what seemed like hours....
Heaven. That's what it was to my exhausted mind and body.
So you may be wondering... I do still breast feed. On command if I am home. And I still pump. Yes even while I drive. My supply may drop. But for now it works. She still has the best she can have and then some.
I just wanted to share my story for the other mothers out there. Struggling. Too scared to talk to their breastfeeding friends and don't want to seem like they are patronizing their formula friends.
Lets open the lines of communication Moms!
Something I read one time was:
I think we moms should pledge to never judge one another. We're all desperatly trying to do the mothering thing right. -Lysa Terkeurst
Thats it for now :)
xoxo, Grace
Thats it for now :)
xoxo, Grace
